A Golden Egg

Dear Lynn,

I remember seeing your story a few years ago on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Was it hard for you to go on television and expose such a dark part of your life in front of millions of people? I am thirty five years old and have been sober now for almost three years, thanks to God and AA. I have been dating this wonderful guy who I am completely falling in love with. I want to be open and honest with him about my struggles with drugs and alcohol but there is a part of me that is so afraid to tell him anything about my past, I don’t want him to feel differently about me. Any words of wisdom you have for me would be appreciated.

Kate

Dear Kate,

When I was nine years old, my grandmother took me to NYC to see Liberace in the Easter show at Radio City Music Hall. As the heavy red curtains were raised up everything was dark, except one spotlight shining down on the middle of the stage and there sat the largest and most magnificent egg I had ever seen. It was a golden egg, lavishly decorated with jewels, painted flowers, soft pastel colors, and lace ribbons draped around it. And then the egg slowly began to open up, and there he was, standing in the center, taking the place of a yellow yolk, was the one and only, Mr. Liberace.

He was clothed in a long puffy flowing cape that was covered in vibrant sequins and shiny rhinestones. It also had white fur trim around the neck, and huge colorful feathers shot up from the collar as if a peacock had attached itself to him. But my favorite part of his outfit was the gold lame suit and high heeled boots he wore. At one point in the show Liberace said “Lots of people out there judge me, call me crazy, over the top, critics have many things to say about my lifestyle and outrageous costumes, but I don’t mind, this is who I am and I certainly didn’t get dressed like this to go unnoticed.”

As I sat in the theatre that spring day, a fire ignited within me. I knew that I was going to move to New York City one day and crack out of huge golden egg just like Liberace.

Fast forward, fourteen years later, where I am sitting on a Chicago stage next to Oprah Winfrey, watching a three-d image of my brain rotate on the large screen behind me. I am listening to the doctor’s voiceover saying “this looks like the brain of a seventy year old woman who had multiple strokes, not a healthy twenty three year old girl.” People are gasping in the audience, as they look at my brain and listened to me talk about the dirtiest and darkest part of my life. As Oprah grabbed my hand and I stared at my brain floating on the giant screen, something happened. It was nothing like I had imagined it to be, I wasn’t in NYC, I wasn’t wearing feathers or rhinestones, but I was indeed cracking out of that golden egg.

I had nothing to hide anymore; everything was out on the table, my past, the alcoholic home, the drugs, the pain, the disappointments, exposing my truth to millions, I began to feel the years of shame and guilt that I had harbored inside myself disappearing. I was finally taking the darkest parts of myself and embracing them. People could say what they wanted, they could judge me, call me crazy, call me an addict, call me a liar, call me whatever the hell they wanted, it didn’t matter because like Liberace “I didn’t mind”, after all with my brain like mine, how could I go unnoticed?

So Kate, I encourage you to crack out of that egg and embrace all parts of your beautiful self. And if this guy of yours is as wonderful as you say he is, be honest with him, he will probably buy you a gold lame jump suit to show you just how much he loves you!!

Lynn